The Heroine's Coach

Leonard Pitts, journalist for The Miami Herald, (one of my favs) wrote today about the Chinese-American basketball player for the New York Knicks whom everyone is talking about, Jeremy Lin.  (No, I’m not a big basketball fan but I love his “hero’s journey” story – from a total nobody to a star in a couple of weeks.)  Pitts was talking to young black men in today’s column “Attention, young blacks: ‘Linsanity’ has crucial message for you” and was talking about the stereotypes we give to people: “a form of mental laziness in which people believe they can know who and what you are simply by seeing you.”

This is what Pitts’ message is to “young blacks”: 

“So, the most admirable thing about him is neither his scoring nor his assists, but, rather, the fact that he refused to allow other people to define him.  He knew he was capable of things they’d never expect or believe.  And guess what?  So are you.”

Why am I sending this to the heroines that read my Journey Notes?  Simply because Pitts’ advice applies to all of us.  Refuse to allow other people to define you.

And…you are capable of things they’d never expect or believe.

I was writing about being able to let go the other day…this falls in the same category…

Sharing this from Denise Benetar, creator of The Oxygen Network and author of the blog

http://entrenoususa.blogspot.com/

Denise was sharing it from mnmlist:

Be able to walk away

In any kind of negotiation, your ability to walk away is your strongest tool.

Those who can walk away from the negotiation — legitimately walk away, not just make a show of it — are in the strongest position. Those who are convinced they need to make the deal are in the weakest position.

This is true of negotiating when you’re buying a car, closing the sale of your new home, haggling in a foreign flea market, or trying to get a raise.

It’s also true of anything in life.

Know that there’s almost nothing you can’t walk away from.

If you are convinced you need a nice house with a walk-in closet and hardwood floors and a huge kitchen, you now have a weakness. You will give away precious life hours and savings to get it. Someone else who knows that those things aren’t absolutely necessary can walk away, and not need to spend so much money (and thus work hours) on that kind of house.

If you are convinced that you need Starbucks grande lattes every day, or an iPhone or iPad, or an SUV or Cooper Mini or BMW … you are in the weak position, because you can’t give it up. Someone else might know that those aren’t essential to happiness, and can walk away.

If you know that the man who is treating you badly (but who you just know will change someday, because, you know, he loves you) isn’t necessary for you to be happy, you can walk away. If you know that you can be happy alone, and that you need no one to make you happy, you can walk away.

If you know that there’s almost nothing you can’t walk away from, you can save yourself tons of money. Years of time. Mountains of headaches and heartaches. Boatloads of suffering.

You don’t need to walk away from everything, but you should know that you can. And when the cost of the deal is too great, too dear … walk away.

http://mnmlist.com/walk-away/

I’ve learned that writing about something helps me to process the topic in a way that works better than just thinking about it.  Sometimes I don’t even know how I feel about something until I write about it.  There is power in writing things down.

Out with the old and in with the new…

My friend and I were talking over coffee about how hard it is to let go…as in letting go of work that brings in money…in exchange for doing things that we really want to be doing.  We hold on to the old believing it’s our only security, that we can’t get along without it.  Also, we believe that what we really want to be doing won’t be secure and lucrative.  We think we know how it’s all going to shake out – and we don’t really know at all. 

I believe we have to let go of the old to make room for the new to come in.  The kicker is…most of the time you have to take that leap of faith first – and let go.

Maybe we should all try this approach to help us get into the practice of letting go…  Throw Out 50 Things

You know I’m a fan of Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Positive Thinking.  This is one of my favorite pieces from the book:

Peale is talking about a couple he meets in a railroad dining car…

“The lady was expensively dressed, as the furs, diamonds, and costume which she wore indicated.  But she was having a most unpleasant time with herself.  Rather loudly she proclaimed that the car was dingy and drafty, the service abominable, and the food most unpalatable.  She complained and fretted about everything.

Her husband, on the contrary, was a genial, affable, easygoing man who obviously had the capacity to take things as they came.  I thought he seemed a bit embarrassed by his wife’s critical attitude and somewhat disappointed, too, as he was taking her on this trip for pleasure.

To change the conversation he asked what business I was in, and then said that he was a lawyer.  Then he made a big mistake, for with a grin he added, “My wife is in the manufacturing business.”

This was surprising, for she did not seem to be the industrial or executive type, so I asked, ‘What does she manufacture?’

‘Unhappiness,’ he replied.  ‘She manufactures her own unhappiness.’

Despite the icy coolness that settled upon the table following this ill-advised observation, I was grateful for his remark, for it describes exactly what so many people do – ‘They manufacture their own unhappiness.’”

He goes on to say that people manufacture their own unhappiness by thinking unhappy thoughts… “by the attitudes which we habitually take, such as the negative feeling that everything is going to turn out badly…”

Aren’t we all “in manufacturing”… ?  What’s your end product?

“You yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”  Buddha

This Valentine’s Day I’m going to work on loving myself.  If you’re like me then you might cringe reading that.  We’re not taught to love ourselves, in fact, I was taught that it’s selfish and conceited to do so.  I was taught to love others and put myself last.  But the older I get the more I realize that the more you love yourself, the more you are able to love others; loving yourself (valuing, respecting, accepting yourself) is an important first step.

I’ve been asking lately.  My friend recently gifted me with the book Women Don’t Ask.  I know I definitely lean towards not asking and more often – settling.  Habits learned young, I think.  So, I’m practicing asking and if I forget and just settle (when I really don’t want to) then I don’t beat myself up about it…I reopen negotiations.

Today my pilates coach said to me, “Susanna, you have to get to the point that what you’re doing with your muscles feels uncomfortable because that’s how you develop them, not by staying within your comfort level.”  I was sweating and working hard and nodding my head and thinking – yes, just like life…to move ahead it has to be uncomfortable.  Right.  Uncomfortable, but right.